What are the Best Books to Read after Divorcing a Narcissist?

Divorcing a narcissist or other difficult personality type can be extremely confusing and isolating. It may also be easy to think that the hard part is over, that he will finally leave you – and your children if you have them – alone. Often, it’s only just the beginning.

When I left my disordered ex-husband, I was just beginning to untangle the ten years of marriage to understand what exactly had happened to me. I wanted to be sure I didn’t do it again! So I started reading everything I could about narcissism, psychopathy, and healing. These are some of my favorite resources. I also have a page dedicated to book recommendations when divorcing a narcissist (Click on the image to go to Bookshop.com to order)

Lundy Bancroft has become a world-renowned expert on domestic violence and abusive men. In one of his most well-known books, Bancroft explains the psychology behind controlling behaviors and gives advice for how to extricate yourself from a toxic relationship.

Shannon Thomas‘s book was life-changing for me. I have read and re-read this book (and if you listen to Audiobooks, it sounds like a therapist giving you personal, healing advice). For many people who have been in narcissistic and sociopathic relationships, it can be nearly impossible to describe what has happened to you. There are not always physical marks to explain the abuse. In Healing from Hidden Abuse, Shannon Thomas helps unravel the psychological damage and abuse, making you feel both validated and stronger as you heal.

Not every high-conflict divorce involves a sociopath. But many, many do! And while the word has become over-used to describe every toxic individual, there are more sociopaths in the world than we would like to believe. They are not all in jail and do not all engage in the types of crimes that make for a good Netflix documentary! The Sociopath Next Door is such an incredible book, giving insight into the psychological minds of the disordered. Having the knowledge of how personality-disordered individuals think will help you make better decisions as you face divorce and child custody decisions.

You might think this book would have been a better read BEFORE you met your ex-partner, but it still has invaluable and practical advice! I think it is a great read for anyone who plans to date again, for one. But I also think it can help you profile your ex-partner, which is an important part of the post-separation divorce process.

While most of the other books are focused on the disordered partner, this book is focused on those who have survived them! Shahida Arabi‘s book provides practical advice for setting boundaries, engaging in self-care, and empowering yourself to reclaim what you may have lost.

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