I always start with the outcome you want. If we don’t know what we want, it’s easy to get lost, especially when the narcissistic ex-partner is throwing chaos at us. When we start to feel out of control of the situation or get stuck wondering what to do, focusing on our outcome gives us a grounding space. As your coach, I will listen to your situation and help you identify the outcomes that will best serve you and your situation.
Dear Brooke,
"NO ONE KNOWS HOW TO HELP."
I’ve been there. I spent five years in family court, feeling confused and alone, doing everything I thought I was supposed to do. The system still didn’t believe me. It wasn’t until I took control of my own case and started harnessing my own knowledge and power that my case started to change. I now have full, permanent custody of my children.
Now, I teach my clients the same system that worked for me. We start by defining the desired outcome. It guides the rest of the work. We then brainstorm ideas for achieving that outcome while also educating ourselves about the family court system and disordered personalities. Finally, we pick a path and try it out, refining it as we get responses and behaviors back.
The reality is that the family courts will not make your ex-partner stop being an a**. Your parenting plan or judgment can feel airtight with no loopholes, and your ex-partner can still find a way to harass and abuse you. Going to court is expensive and often doesn’t get you the results you want anyway. The most important mindset shift is from seeking validation and justice through the courts to focusing on your desired outcome.
My high-conflict divorce coaching system is different. It gives you the tools to harness your own knowledge of your ex-partner, teaches you how to respond to crazy-making communication, and develops a strategic system that finally sets you free!
Divorce Coaching Services
OUTCOME
EDUCATE
High-conflict personalities have a lot in common. But if you don’t understand how they think and approach situations, it can be easy to get ensnared in their drama and chaos. Education about personality disorders must be a part of your strategy as well as understanding what family court can and cannot do for you (validation and justice are in short supply there). Another piece of education is learning about curiosity mindset as it is critical for being able to implement strategy. As your coach, I will help identify resources you can read and explore as well as guide you through exercises to open up your strategic thinking.
BRAINSTORM
Once you have your outcome identified and understand more about your ex-partner and the family court system, it’s time to brainstorm solutions. At this step of the process, we write down every idea and option for achieving our outcome. It is SO easy to feel stuck when you are in a high-conflict divorce and custody battle. Writing down and examining options helps us realize that we have more power in the situation than we might initially think. It also opens up our strategic thinking. As your coach, I will help you brainstorm and examine your ideas, asking questions to help explore even more solutions.
IMPLEMENT
Once you have a list of possible solutions, it’s time to put on your curiosity hat and try something new. Some of the solutions you listed will be long-term and require patience. Some will be things you can try immediately. When you are first starting this new process, it’s better to pick some short-term ideas so that you can start to collect data and refine your ideas. It also may give you a confidence boost that this might work for you. As a coach, I will be there to help you select and implement your new strategies.
REFINE
You’ve put your plan into place! Now, it’s time to collect data and refine your strategy. Some ideas will seem great on paper but not be as great in practice. Your ex-partner may react in unexpected ways. Or, your ideas may work great, opening up other ideas for parts of your situation that continue to feel stuck. During this phase, we discuss how things are going, what needs to be refined or rethought, and discuss how to move forward with our new knowledge.
FAQ
Frequently Asked Questions
Divorce Coaching with Brooke teaches strategies that should help you regardless of which state you live in. If there are state-specific concerns, we can work together to find answers or locate resources that can help.
If you are in a high-conflict custody battle, divorce coaching can help, even when you aren’t in litigation. I would argue it might actually help more when you aren’t as it allows you to develop and practice a strategic mindset without the pressure of court looming.
Absolutely. There are certain actions you can take before you leave that can help you down the road. Talking with someone who understands and knows what you need to be thinking about now can help you adopt a strategic mindset at the beginning of your divorce!
Definitely. My services are meant to be utilized when you need them and can be purchased a la carte after our initial sessions. You also have a full year to use the package sessions, so if you think you will need more than one touchpoint throughout the year, you save money by purchasing a package.
Yes. I have given a TEDx talk as well as talks to professional organizations and annual conferences. I am also a member of the RAINN Speakers Bureau. If you are interested in discussing possible speaking opportunities on the topics of domestic violence, family court, or resiliency, please use my contact form below to get in touch.