Conflicting Out an Attorney

There are a multitude of personalities when it comes to Family Law Attorneys. Some are kind and ethical. Those of us who have been through family court and work in this field know that MANY are not. In fact, one researcher argues that lawyers are the second most sought after career for sociopaths.

My ex-husband’s attorney was, at best, a bully. He was aggressive when cross-examining me, at one point intimating that I was a bitch. When my attorney sent him documents, he claimed to have never gotten them, which the court then used against me. He changed law firms in the middle of our case, going to a firm I had consulted with. I asked my attorney to conflict him out at that point, but she didn’t. My attorney was not aggressive. I would argue that she was incompetent or lazy.

Which brings me to the question today of conflicting out attorneys.

What does Conflicting Out an Attorney mean?

When you hire an attorney, the law firm (should) run a conflict of interest check. This means that they cannot represent you if they also represent the opposing party, even if it is in a non-related case. So if you are divorcing your husband, but they helped him form his LLC, for example, that would be seen as a conflict of interest. Both parties can agree to ignore that conflict, but that’s not really in your best interest.

If you ask around your area, you can probably find out the reputation of certain law firms and lawyers. If a lawyer or firm is known for aggressive – or possibly even sketchy – behaviors, you might decide that you don’t want your ex to have that attorney… because that means those behaviors would be directed toward you. If your ex is a narcissist or a sociopath, your legal battle will be hard enough. You don’t need the opposing attorney making it worse (or giving them advice like “fight for 50/50” even if your ex doesn’t want it). Because of the increasing usage of parental alienation, you also should consider looking up local law firms that represent clients who have been “alienated” and who recommend reunification therapy. You probably do not want your ex using those attorneys!

Before you hire an attorney, you can often get a consultation with an attorney to determine the right fit for you. You might decide that you want the aggressive, potentially narcissistic attorney representing you. I found that my ex and his attorney responded better to an assertive man than a more passive woman (yay, misogyny). Firms and states have different rules about conflicts of interest, but if you consult with an attorney and give him private information that you would use in the divorce, theoretically, that firm should not then represent your ex. Even if they could argue that there is no actual conflict, they might not want to take that chance that they could be removed from the case.

TDLR; Before you file for divorce or custody modification, research attorneys in your area and schedule consultations with several law firms so that you can find the right fit for you – while also possibly conflicting them out for your ex to use against you! 

* Reminder: I am not a lawyer. This is not legal advice. This is simply information that we have learned along the way!