5-Step Divorce Coaching Strategy

I always start with the outcome you want. If we don’t know what we want, it’s easy to get lost, especially when the narcissistic ex-partner is throwing chaos at us. When we start to feel out of control of the situation or get stuck wondering what to do, focusing on our outcome gives us a grounding space. As your coach, I will listen to your situation and help you identify the outcomes that will best serve you and your situation.

High-conflict personalities have a lot in common. But if you don’t understand how they think and approach situations, it can be easy to get ensnared in their drama and chaos. Education about personality disorders must be a part of your strategy as well as understanding what family court can and cannot do for you (validation and justice are in short supply there). Another piece of education is learning about curiosity mindset as it is critical for being able to implement strategy. As your coach, I will help identify resources you can read and explore as well as guide you through exercises to open up your strategic thinking.

Once you have your outcome identified and understand more about your ex-partner and the family court system, it’s time to brainstorm solutions. At this step of the process, we write down every idea and option for achieving our outcome. It is SO easy to feel stuck when you are in a high-conflict divorce and custody battle. Writing down and examining options helps us realize that we have more power in the situation than we might initially think. It also opens up our strategic thinking. As your coach, I will help you brainstorm and examine your ideas, asking questions to help explore even more solutions.

Once you have a list of possible solutions, it’s time to put on your curiosity hat and try something new. Some of the solutions you listed will be long-term and require patience. Some will be things you can try immediately. When you are first starting this new process, it’s better to pick some short-term ideas so that you can start to collect data and refine your ideas. It also may give you a confidence boost that this might work for you. As a coach, I will be there to help you select and implement your new strategies.

You’ve put your plan into place! Now, it’s time to collect data and refine your strategy. Some ideas will seem great on paper but not be as great in practice. Your ex-partner may react in unexpected ways. Or, your ideas may work great, opening up other ideas for parts of your situation that continue to feel stuck. During this phase, we discuss how things are going, what needs to be refined or rethought, and discuss how to move forward with our new knowledge.