It is normal to feel alone and confused when you are in the midst of a high-conflict custody battle with a disordered individual. It can feel like no one understands how to help. It may also feel like their advice doesn’t make sense given what you know about your ex-partner.

 

I’ve been there. I spent five years in family court, feeling confused and alone, doing everything I thought I was supposed to do. The system still didn’t believe me. It wasn’t until I took control of my own case and started harnessing my own knowledge and power that my case started to change. I now have full, permanent custody of my children.

 

Now, I teach my clients the same system that worked for me. We start by defining the desired outcome (ie custody modification in a year, minimize responses to emails, encourage negotiations in mediation). It guides the rest of the work. We then brainstorm ideas for achieving that outcome while also educating ourselves about the family court system and disordered personalities. Finally, we pick a path and try it out, refining it as we get responses and behaviors back.

 

The reality is that the family courts will not make your ex-partner stop being an a**. Your parenting plan or judgment can feel airtight with no loopholes, and your ex-partner can still find a way to harass and abuse you. Going to court is expensive and often doesn’t get you the results you want anyway. The most important mindset shift is from seeking validation and justice through the courts to focusing on your desired outcome.

 

My high-conflict divorce coaching system is different. It gives you the tools to harness your own knowledge of your ex-partner, teaches you how to respond to crazy-making communication, and develops a strategic system that finally sets you free!