“Leah” faced an ongoing battle with her ex, who thrived on conflict and manipulation during their custody case. At one point, he became fixated on forcing her to “move out” of their home even though she had already found a new place—insisting it was “his” property and using the dispute as leverage in court.

• Rather than engage directly, we decided to strategically hold ground. For months, Leah refused to budge, creating the impression that she would not relinquish the home even though it was not a primary concern to her.

• We often had to remind the attorney of the importance of this hold so that he did not give in and give away one of Leah’s most powerful negotiating points.

• This created pressure on her ex, who became increasingly adamant about “winning” that battle.

• When the time was right, I encouraged Leah to “give in.” On the surface, it looked like a concession. But in reality, we were able to leverage it for something that Leah actually did want and that gave her an advantage for custody.

What looked like a small concession was actually a strategic win. Leah gained a custodial advantage that she was then able to use to protect her child from the threat of increasing custodial time.

When dealing with a high-conflict ex, strategy often means thinking several moves ahead. Sometimes the best way to win the long game is to “lose” a short battle on your own terms.